This blog is ostensibly an adult blog but so far I haven't done much "adult" with it. I found a site today that will allow me to share videos and I guess earn a little kickback if people actually sign up for the service, so I think I'll do that.
I found this great blog called Fierce, Freethinking Fatties today and I commented on this post called "Real Women Don't Necessarily Have Curves."
I posted a comment on the post, which said this:
I agree with you. Of course real women come in all sizes and should be seen for attributes such as intelligence, kindness, and capability first. My (second) husband seems to be a rarity–he was not a “chubby chaser,” he liked me for myself. He had dated women of all different sizes, including one who looked like a supermodel and had the attitude to go with it, before our friendship became something more. It turned out that he wanted a woman who was interested in something besides preening and worrying if one single eyebrow hair was astray. I sometimes drive him crazy with my insecurity about my body because he genuinely likes me just as I am.
I still find myself astounded that any man would choose someone that looks like me over someone that looks something like this:
That is not her, of course, and this person may not even have the same hang-ups. I met the woman once when N was dating her. She spent the entire time making sure every hair was in place, checking her makeup, making snide remarks about the clothing choices of people who walked by, and giving advice to N's female friends (me and another co-worker) about how to lose weight and tone up. (Grrrr!)
I still work with this other friend and every now and then we still laugh about how N ended up with one of his "horrible fat female friends" instead of Ms. Perfect. "Jo" and I are both big women, so making "fat jokes" among ourselves is par for the course, but we also try to support our right as big women not to be forced into losing weight just to please others. We are healthy. Nobody gets to tell us we "need to lose weight for our health." Bullshit. You really want us to lose weight because you're uncomfortable looking at anything that doesn't resemble your idea of what women "should" look like.
From what I remember about my meeting with "Tiffany," she was a horrible, shallow person and I always thought that my nice friend could do better. I have to admit that I was shocked when it turned out that his idea of "better" was me.
We did run into Tiffany at a Best Buy two years after N had broken things off with her. She made nice, but I could see on her face that she was horrified, both at seeing him holding my hand and at the engagement ring on my finger. She obviously couldn't believe that her one-time boyfriend had dumped her for the "fat chick." Which he actually did not--we didn't get involved until nearly seven months after their breakup. He had a couple of arranged dates between breaking up with her and suggesting very shyly to me that he wondered if we might have "a chance at something more than friends, because you are someone I really like and enjoy to be with."
I'll never forget those words--to this day they make me feel warm when I remember him saying them. We'd gone out for a casual dinner as friends, and he remarked that his friendship dates with me were more enjoyable than any romantic dates he had with other women. He felt he could be himself with me.
We are trained to believe that surface beauty is everything. But a wise person who unfortunately no longer blogs (Catherine Canteri) once said that hotness won't keep you warm on a cold night when you really wish you could have a friend to talk to.
I've told my kids that if you have a choice between a plain-looking person that you really enjoy being around and who makes you feel good about yourself, you should take that person every time over a gorgeous person who only thinks of him or her self and expects you to worship him or her because he/she is so spectacular.
Sometimes the fat chick/guy does win--without losing weight. If someone only sees your weight, keep on walking. They're not worth your tears. That's why I never dated "chubby chasers," at least once I knew they were "chubby chasers." I did not want a guy who was only interested in my build rather than in ME!
To this day it still shocks me that my husband is a "lights on" kind of guy--and that he really seems to like what he's diving into. Not because he has a "fat girl fetish," but because he likes me--a person who happens to be fat.
Guys like this are out there--evidently. But it's like mining for gold. You have to kick aside a lot of dirt clods before you find the good stuff! And sometimes you find fool's gold, but it's not worth anything more than dirt.
If anyone is reading this and is feeling bad about their love life, take it as a sign--don't give up. You can find the gold. And it's okay to scratch the surface to make sure you're not getting fool's gold. A true "nugget" will understand your need to protect yourself!
