Long Time No See

I haven't done any social networking or even worked on my story in almost two months. I got really worn down and then ended up getting sick and depressed. I decided to hold off on my final semester of nursing school and just take an online course instead. Instead I'm focusing on being supportive of my son while he goes through paramedic training. He says it helps to have someone help him study. Husband is actually a better source though because he trained and worked as an EMT early on after immigrating here.

Sometimes things come back and bite you on the ass no matter how much your life improves. I realize that I'm still very insecure. I started questioning what made me think I had any kind of talent for writing, and wondering who reads erotica anyway. And then I find myself wondering always what a handsome, slender guy like my husband sees in an old fat chick like me. I started getting paranoid to the point where I was thinking he must be looking around by now--after all, he dated this supermodel looking girl before we were together. He laughed it off, reminding me that surely since I work in the hospital too I must know that people don't actually make out in supply closets or unoccupied gurneys or beds like on E.R. or Gray's Anatomy. (I did know a couple who ended up making it on a slab down in the morgue once, no joke. Not for me! Laughed my ass off when they told me, though.) Still, I know it bothers him a bit when I start getting paranoid like this. I can't let it screw things up for me.

I'm going to try working on my story even though I still feel insecure about it. I've written this stuff all along for myself but doing it with intent to publish is something else entirely.

The End?

I'm actually approaching the end of my first manuscript, and now I'm getting really nervous. I'm going to have to find an editor. My cousin is going to help me with the initial proof reading but says that I'll have to find a REAL editor in order for it to be really professionally done. This makes me nervous, especially with my subject matter. My cousin knows who I really am. But my subject matter might make me seem, for lack of a better word, perverted, to anyone who doesn't. I don't want to be perceived that way. 

I think of my manuscript as part allegory for what anyone who has ever struggled with understanding their own sexuality goes through, particularly what gay people go through in this society, but also anyone who was ever molested and who has had pervasive, unwanted thoughts or dreams. Nothing such as wanting to molest children, although I encourage anyone who has unwanted thoughts about desiring sexual contact with children to please GET HELP, of course. If you get help, you are doing the right thing and are a far better person than someone who acts on those impulses.

My shame has come from having dreams or fantasies or being turned on by watching porn (same sex, either all male or all female) in which someone is being humiliated. Not rape, but S&M. I don't want to do this in real life. I've come to understand that these thoughts are because of things that happened to me in childhood but I've never really dealt with these issues properly. I always find myself too busy to get therapy. I count myself fortunate that I have never experienced being sexually drawn to children. I have heard people try to postulate that this is a "sexual orientation" like being homosexual, which pisses me off. Most people who are homosexual are attracted to people in a similar age group to themselves who happen to be the same sex. Duh!

At any rate, I now need to find an editor who is amenable to dealing with erotica. This is a lot more difficult than simply writing down what has come to mind!

This wonderful article by Sebastian Wallace is worth sharing!

Erotic Authors and Writing Under a Pen Name

Author: Sebastian Wallace
So you’re an author (or an aspiring author) who has an interest in writing erotic fiction. But many authors worry about using their real name when penning erotic pieces, for several reasons. Several famous authors who at one point, sooner or later in their careers, wrote erotica chose a pen name, including Harlan Ellison and Anne Rice. Some, like David Sedaris, write erotica under their own name.





However, the fact that it is known that these authors wrote erotica has a lot to do with their current day popularity. If you are considering using a pen name, be aware that it is not only acceptable but also the general practice. For many authors, the pen name is akin to the stage name; despite the lofty cerebral aspirations of writing, a lot of writing success is still based on marketing. While writers often wish that people did not judge a book by its cover, the truth is, we all do. We judge two hour movies based on thirty second trailers, and we remember actors’ names based on their catchiness. Authors are unfortunately, not immune to this, and choosing a pen name when writing erotica is actually an opportunity to start marketing before the book is even written.





However, there are many other reasons to consider when deciding if you should use a pen name.





First, there is separation between your real life and your written works. Many erotic fiction writers are women; and like it or not, some people cannot separate fantasy from reality, and thus a woman who writes erotic fiction might be thought of a sexually available and exhibitionist when is isn’t true. It’s sort of the same issue with the actors on the Sopranos – many people actually believe they are gangsters, not thespians. Actors who are well known for recurring villain roles have many stories of being reprimanded on the street by fans that could not separate the fact that the actor was not the character.





Thus, it is beyond mere prudishness that someone might choose to employ a pen name. It can be a method of separation between an author’s real life and the written word. Stephen King has stated that in the books he’s written which reveal details of his life, he has changed details and street names to prevent people from invading too much of his privacy. Men who write erotica might not face the same exact issues as female authors, but there is more than enough reason to create a veil of secrecy around your life. Be aware that writing under a pen name does not mean you can’t do radio interviews or podcasts, any more than an actor would. However, if your writing career advances to a point where you are as popular as say, Dean Koontz. You might want to consider changing your tactics then.





Another reason to use a pen name is because some authors may want to try different styles, and sell to different genres. A writer of romance may want to tackle fetish erotica, but may want to establish two distinct pen names to do so; authors are also artists, and often like to experiment, and it is easier to do so if readers are not aware of an author’s existing works. I suspect that the reverse is true for aforementioned authors such as Anne Rice, whose erotica probably remains a consistent back list seller simply because of her current day notoriety.





As an editor, I am often asked by new authors (or, at least new to erotic fiction), about using a pen name and they often express anxiety that the publisher will use their real name. They envision a racy title finding its way to the bookshelves with their real name plastered all over it, and they imagine the mortification they would feel if everyone they knew suddenly saw it. While this is a most unlikely scenario, I must state that no serious publisher would ever use an author’s name if the author did not want to, and that publishers of erotic fiction are more than aware that many authors want to use pen names. If you are paranoid, ask for a line or two in the contract about which pen name will be used and that your real name never be used without your written permission.





Also be aware that even if you write a best-selling erotica book, your name is not likely to be all over the New York Times best seller list and your name is not likely unique. A quick visit to the web site howmanyofme.com reveals that there are 221 people in the United States named Anne Rice and 1,563 people with the name Stephen King. There are even 19 people named William Shakespeare. The point is, just because it’s your name doesn’t mean people all over the world will even know it’s you. If it makes you feel better to use a pen name, do so, but also realize that it’s probably more for your mental awareness than anyone else’s.





Now one thing I personally recommend to authors is make sure that your contracts with any publisher list your real name, not just your pen name. Contracts should list both if desired, but the rights established and the length of the contract is assigned to you. There is some legal wrangling that can be done in many cases to get your rights when it is not accurately represented in the contract, but why worry about that? Get it in writing right up front. One publisher I work with, Sensorotika Press, has told me on several occasions that most authors never really look at their contracts, and that even though the publisher attempts to create fair, thoroughly defined contracts, authors constantly return to ask questions long after the contract is in place and in effect. The issue of authors and their contracts is too much for this article, but as it pertains to your pseudonym, this is a business for both the publisher and the author, and if the author feels more security having their pen name and the like in writing, then they should say so.
About the Author:
Sebastion Wallace is a freelance author and contributing editor for erotic fiction publisher Sensorotika Press. Recent works include contributions to Erotika: Bedtime Stories and the upcoming Sweet Tea & You.
Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Erotic Authors and Writing Under a Pen Name