Sunday, May 30, 2010

Walt Disney

Classic Disney Movies |

Jack Daniels |

The 19 Most Hilariously Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers |

The Top 10 Celebrity Sex Videos Nobody Wanted to See |

Once Upon A Desire: The End?

The End?

I'm actually approaching the end of my first manuscript, and now I'm getting really nervous. I'm going to have to find an editor. My cousin is going to help me with the initial proof reading but says that I'll have to find a REAL editor in order for it to be really professionally done. This makes me nervous, especially with my subject matter. My cousin knows who I really am. But my subject matter might make me seem, for lack of a better word, perverted, to anyone who doesn't. I don't want to be perceived that way. 
I think of my manuscript as part allegory for what anyone who has ever struggled with understanding their own sexuality goes through, particularly what gay people go through in this society, but also anyone who was ever molested and who has had pervasive, unwanted thoughts or dreams. Nothing such as wanting to molest children, although I encourage anyone who has unwanted thoughts about desiring sexual contact with children to please GET HELP, of course. If you get help, you are doing the right thing and are a far better person than someone who acts on those impulses.
My shame has come from having dreams or fantasies or being turned on by watching porn (same sex, either all male or all female) in which someone is being humiliated. Not rape, but S&M. I don't want to do this in real life. I've come to understand that these thoughts are because of things that happened to me in childhood but I've never really dealt with these issues properly. I always find myself too busy to get therapy. I count myself fortunate that I have never experienced being sexually drawn to children. I have heard people try to postulate that this is a "sexual orientation" like being homosexual, which pisses me off. Most people who are homosexual are attracted to people in a similar age group to themselves who happen to be the same sex. Duh!
At any rate, I now need to find an editor who is amenable to dealing with erotica. This is a lot more difficult than simply writing down what has come to mind!

Sunday is housekeeping day. Ugh! I don't get people who find housekeeping therapeutic. Cooking, yes. Housekeeping, no.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

frontline: the new asylums | PBS

Friday, May 28, 2010

Horror is: walking to the basement to put in a load of laundry, seeing freeloading BIL lying on couch w/hand in pants scratching balls.

`Diff'rent Strokes' star Gary Coleman dies

Adm. Allen: Gulf Oil Leak Suppressed For Now; Leak Meter Paused | The Rundown News Blog | PBS NewsHour | PBS

You know that hopefulness you have when you're young and too stupid to know any better? I wish I could bottle that. I'd make a fortune!

Tarsier_EN-US257380235.jpg (JPEG Image, 958x512 pixels) chocolate and dessert recipes and baking tips for pastry chefs and bakers.

Holy crap...the incredible stupidity of some people is earth shattering. If being stupid were a crime, these people would be lifers.

I find myself wondering WTF purpose a Kendra Wilkinson is supposed to serve on this planet. She seems more useless than a Kardashian.

Thursday, May 27, 2010 Meet my co-worker and my brother in law.

Alison Wonderland and Lars Freelöder

So tonight I'm stuck working with Alison Wonderland. Thankfully she went to take her break and hopefully I'll have a few minutes before anyone needs something. Usually I'm a pretty sedate person, live and let live, but Alison tends to make me wonder how she survived this long without a brain, and why a hospital, where people's lives depend on our actions, would ever hire her!
Alison isn't new to patient care. She's been doing it for eight years. I've been stuck working with her for the last five. Fortunately I don't have to work with her all the time or I might have killed her by now.
Alison's main focus throughout the night is touching up her makeup, of which she wears about an entire department store counter worth. Apparently she was talked to about her smelly hair spray and gallon of perfume because she's started wearing unscented hair spray. But hello Barbie, it's the night shift in a hospital! We are taking care of sick people. They don't give a crap if your makeup is perfect or even if you're wearing makeup. They're sick, they're hurting, they're scared. They want us to tell the nurse if they need pain meds. They want us to bring them water. They want us to reassure them. They are not looking at you and thinking how amazing you look. They're wishing they were anywhere but here.
Also, you have to explain everything to Alison, step by step. Even the simplest stuff. As I said, she's been doing this sort of work for eight years. I don't know whose dick she's sucking, but I can't imagine how else she keeps her job.
Sorry...bitter bitch.
I probably wouldn't be so down on Alison even though I'm afraid my eyes are going to get stuck in the rolled-upward position every time I work with her because they end up their so much. I was already in a foul mood when I arrived because of having to deal with my brother in law, Lars Freelöder. It's hard for me to believe that he and my husband came from the same womb. Actually its hard for me to believe that my husband came from that family at all. He's hardworking and warm-hearted. Lars actually has a good heart but to be honest, he's a SHIFTLESS BUM! Every time he has a good job he gets bored with it and quits. Now he's 51 years old and nobody wants to hire him. 
If it weren't for my being here, N would probably take pity on his big brother and let him live in his house and sponge off him--he's done it before. But he doesn't want our relationship turning into "You, Me, and Dupree" any more than I do! He's "loaned" his brother money (full well knowing he'll never get a cent of it back) and told him he needs to find a job and get his own place. Lars doesn't technically live with us but he's here a lot more of the time than I'd like. He's going to try to go sponge off his eldest son for a while. Poor kid--good luck ever getting rid of him! Imagine having to kick your own dad to the curb. I told him not to let Lars in the door in the first place. People like him are vampires. They can only come in if you let them, and then they bleed you dry. I know this sounds harsh but Lars made his own bed. He refuses to grow up. He keeps wanting to "party hardy." His immaturity ruined his marriage. If it weren't for little brother having some ambition (and wanting to get away from his cold ass relatives) Lars would still be back in Norway, living in his parents' basement. It was N that insisted they immigrate to the U.S. He was just 19 at the time, Lars was 30 and going nowhere. Which is where it seems he's determined to keep going.
I could get on about how today's immigrants want something for nothing, but I don't really have time to go there. My husband and his brother worked hard to get their citizenship. They took classes. Both of them are very strong English speakers. One of them is also industrious.
I'll put a wrap on this as I see Alison returning to her post, freshly made up and doing her pageant walk. Here go my eyes, rolling upward again.

I hate to be horrible and negative co-worker is a simpleton and my brother in law is an immature freeloader. I pity his kids!

aurorahylton If I don't get back to work I'm going to have to change my screen name to Aurora "Procrastination Queen" Hylton.

I called my congressman and am hoping he'll say "repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell" today!

Some of these FB games look so fun but you have to play them every day. Is it stupid that dead virtual fish would bother me?

aurorahylton Surprised at the amount of trouble I'm having making myself write this chapter. One of my protagonists attempts suicide.

Donate Clothes & Household Items

Helping my cousin pick out a new combination washer/dryer since her 15 year old washer died. We live such exciting lives! ;-)

Again I have to apologize if one of my statuses double posted. Ping is on crack right now.

Does listening to death metal warp young impressionable kittycat minds? I know what it does to birds!

Does listening to death metal warp young impressionable kittycat minds? I know what it does to birds!

Someone needs to tell Skittles that my putting him off my lap so I can stand up does NOT constitute abuse. He meows so mournfully when moved

Corrective rape??

aurorahylton I like the new twist in my story though. It gives it a stronger message than just "I think it's okay to be gay." Which I do.

aurorahylton Why do I sometimes wrestle with whether or not I DESERVE to work on creative activities? This is seriously detrimental.

Once Upon A Desire: Comments


I am temporarily disallowing comments on the blog. I haven't really done anything with this blog yet that's comment-worthy, and the only comments I've been getting are canned Spam comments from Chinese webcam girls and other spammers. I reject each of these, but I don't want to have to be bothered. When I finish writing my manuscript and am actively promoting it, I may open up comments again. In the meantime, anyone who knows me is already contacting me in other ways and people who actually want to communicate can follow me on Twitter or friend me on Facebook.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Am glad I was never stupid enough to make a sex tape--and believe me, so are you! Am I the only one who doesn't want to see celeb sex tapes?

Skittles is trying very hard to win the bad kitty award today. This time he jumped in my lap and made me splash my chicken noodle soup.

9 Gifts NOT To Give Your Mother This Year (PHOTOS)

Honestly, most of these weren't so bad unless you're some sort of hideous diva who expects diamonds and no less. The baby sort of depends on the age and marital status of the "giver."
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

The Funniest Kids Test Answers Of All Time (PHOTOS)

Two older kitties too--Angus and Malcolm. They're 12. So any guy who ended up with me had to like both cats and classic rock. Found one!

Kitty's name is Skittles cause he was so skittish when we first brought him home. His "sister" is Coco.

Wish my man was home but then again I hate for him to have to deal with me when I'm like this. Feel like I'm catching a cold too.

Maybe I can fall asleep watching disaster porn. Magma: Volcanic Disaster is on Syfy. Anyone else hate how it's spelled Syfy and not SciFi?

Usually he's better behaved about this sort of thing than his little step-sister. Guess he really likes quiche.

Kitty's being a dildo. Guess its what I get for eating my lunch on the couch. He kept sticking his face in my food.

Sorry if that last message double posted.

Really wish I could relax. Like the shift differential but not much else about night shift. Find myself moody & flirting w/depression.

Really wish I could relax. Like the shift differential but not much else about night shift. Find myself moody & flirting w/depression.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Just it really necessary for the antivirus program to make a sound like a Sleestack when it discovers a virus? Sex and Spam and Spilling My Guts. A blog post.

Sex and Spam and Spilling my Guts

First of all--wow! I had forgotten about this video. Bummer that N will be exhausted when he gets home from his shift. :-(
Second, WTF is up with these Spam comments? I even have word verification turned on and I'm still getting them. An attempt to get some business for some Chinese webcam models, it looks like. Sorry, can't help you. I don't publish Spam comments. I changed my settings so only Google members can comment. Don't know if that will help the matter or not. Half the comments are in Chinese so I have no idea what they're saying anyway.
I'm sitting with my little grand-niece tonight. Both my niece and my sister are working. Grand-niece is three years old. Niece is 21 and living with her mom. Baby's father is nowhere in the picture, sadly. My niece's father and my sis got divorced a year before she got pregnant. Her father was one of those people who was physically present but emotionally unavailable. Which is pretty much what sis and I grew up with as well. I always thought how we could have had it a lot worse--we didn't get smacked around or molested--at least after we moved away from Uncle Creepy. What I mean is my parents didn't molest us. But we didn't get a whole lot of acknowledgment of our existence either. Emotionally my family was pretty cold. 
My first husband was a nice enough guy in most ways but didn't really know how to be emotionally available either. He's an adult child of an alcoholic and never worked through his shit. I've been through a lot of counseling about my intimacy issues and N and I went to counseling together when it became clear that things were serious between us because he comes from an emotionally distant bunch too. Across the ocean distant at this point, only call each other on holidays. It was pretty easy for me to see why he and his brother left Norway. His parents are glacial. Very proper, very staid, and very cold. I don't think I ever saw them smile once when we visited. It's amazing that he and his brother were able to be emotionally expressive at all. 
J's a good guy but kind of a Peter Pan. He's got a steady job but he's 48 years old and still all about partying hardy. Was married 5 times and live-in girlfriend #7 just dumped him. He's charming as anything, but once any woman starts wanting some real substance from him, he just doesn't have anything to give. Out of all his marriages he's got one kid of his own and two step-kids who still see him. The rest were pretty short-lived and no kids came out of them. 
He's the quintessential Disneyland Dad too. Kind of like my ex. The kids were always so excited to see him when they were younger. Of course they still love him but at this point they're kind of disgusted with how much of a flake he can be. He's always job hopping and never saved a cent towards their education. In the end they always end up coming back to the boring, reliable parent. I'm not saying I'm anything to look up to--46 years old and a patient care/ER tech might not be much to brag about. But I've been at my job for eight years and I've helped my kids with their college applications. I've always been here for the serious stuff. "Al" always brought them presents and took them on trips before the economy went to shit and he spent all his savings.
At this point I consider myself pretty lucky and am reasonably happy in most ways except central scheduling seems to be conspiring to ensure that N and I never have any time together! And my nursing training is dragging on and on and it's kind of starting to make me feel discouraged. I was so excited about doing it at first and so thrilled that N was completely supportive. I think it wouldn't have been so bad if I could have done it all at once and gone full time but I can't. We still have a mortgage to make. So it's taking forever. Sometimes I wonder if remaining a tech would have really been so bad. But I've wanted to get my license for a long time. Sometimes I get so mad at myself. Seems like I'm never satisfied.

Staying with my grand-niece tonight as both my sister and my niece are working. Not gonna sleep for s**t--too used to working nights lately.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Things in the sidebar: reconnect with people from the class of 1981! The question is, how many of them do I want to reconnect with?

I will never, ever, ever get Botox! I would rather have a face like a Shar-Pei than get a deadly bacteria injected into my skin.

1000 ways to die...why am I watching this? I have to say, some of these people are candidates for Darwin awards!

Is anyone else having trouble with firefox crashing--a lot? Several times a day? I'm so over it--but Internet Explorer freezes!

The Squad

My cousin has a cute little black cat named Tara. I've renamed her Terror. She looks so sweet and demure. SO NOT! Pushy little glutton.

Word Captcha: Eventide Equipment. In my profession that means needles, sutures, IV catheters, ECG's, X rays--that sort of thing!

Dear Facebook, I already confirmed my account and I don't want to receive your stupid text messages. So STFU! You're annoying me.

Testing my Facebook connection to Ping. Saying hi to my cousins!

Drag--cousin isn't an option on Facebook relations. My sister and brother don't want to be associated with my erotica writing persona!

Keep anti-environment crusader Sarah Palin off Discovery: (via @CREDOmobile) Pls RT

Not that I would share the whole thing, just a teaser. I want people to buy it!

I've heard about people getting kicked off Facebook all the time and they don't even know why. I don't think I could share my novel there.

One of my cousins is writing a Twitter novel which also pings to Facebook. I started a twitter novel but had trouble keeping up with it.

I am debating getting on Facebook. Everyone I know tends to fall into a time trap with it.